Safe and sound

 "I really like this pillow. It allows me to fall asleep comfortably each night. I feel safe when I am sleeping in my own bed now. Before, living as a single woman in an apartment by yourself, you never truly feel safe. Now, I can sleep soundly because I have the comforting feeling of someone with me, though it may only be a pillow." (An actual review)

Pro-rodent policy

Krystall was relieved to find this car…  Stubs, her hamster, had wanted to train for the Indy 500 but couldn’t get past the obvious discriminatory regulations regarding the size of the vehicles. Although NASCAR seemed decidedly pro-rodent, none of the officials had stepped up to demand the allowance of alternate-species vehicles. This year would be different for all hamsterkind, Krystall thought, as she placed the order on layaway.

Hard times

Although the economy had forced Claudette to frequent all-you-can-eat establishments, she refused to be confused with "those people." "My palette had grown accustomed to the Lobster Shack, but the ambiance was so unrefined," she recalls. This Victorian bib was just what was needed to class-up the meal. "I may be forced to eat like a Barbarian, but I refuse to look like one!"

Appropriate levels of inappropriate patriotism

Melinda knew this bikini was a must-have for Peaches’ swimming lessons and 4th of July picnic next summer. She simply didn’t want to live in an America where this wasn’t appropriate.

Does the body good

For 23 years "Jessica," 24, was tortured with a debilitating phobia of messy spoons exacerbated by insatiable chocolate milk cravings. "True story. The Moo Mixer Supreme saved my life."

Blending in

Kevin was all atwitter about the prospect of being able to stalk his ex-girlfriend in daylight hours thanks to this clever car disguise.*

*We at invaluables actually really want this item. (For differnet reasons, obviously.) It happens sometimes.

Instant classic

Jessica excitedly reviewed her recent dress purchase, “I just wish it had a few more ruffles for the ruffle-themed wedding I’m about to attend. I do love it, though! It’s super travel-friendly, and I know I’ll get tons of wear out of it! Talk about a new wardrobe staple!”